Help! I'm an introvert in an extroverted church!

People, get ready for this one! We're talking (in the most fun and loving way) about the differences between introverts and extroverts, and how that plays out within the context of church, faith, and gettin' along with each other. 

Transcript

Introduction: Introverts and Extroverts in Church

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This transcript was auto-generated with AI.

Speaker 0:00

Hi. Wait, I wasn't ready. Sorry. Are we ever gonna get this right the first time? Hi, everybody. You're listening to the People Get Ready podcast. I'm Heather Duff, and in just a minute, we'll be jumping into a conversation with Barpo. We're talking about everyday issues from a Christian perspective while we eagerly wait for Jesus. People get ready. Let's go. Heather and I are different. We're different in a lot of ways. We're similar in some ways, but we definitely have differences. And one of the differences that comes through a lot in our relationship with each other and in our dealings with other people and situations is our extroverted, introverted, kind of outgoing, maybe not so much outgoing personalities that we have. And so what we'd like to do this morning is talk a little bit about that, not just with us, but the whole issue of being outgoing and not so outgoing, introvert, not so much of an introvert, and how that affects Christians today. Because in a lot of my dealings with other people, I have found that the whole issue of how how extroverted and how how comfortable you are to reach out and to do things, to get involved in church, to to start something new, to try something new, it really has an effect on what your personality is like. So we want to kind of delve into that a little bit today. And I think it might be fun and I hope it's helpful. That's what we want it to be. We want it to be helpful because we want people involved in the body of Christ. That's our goal. So Heather, why don't you start by bringing us in, girlfriend? Okay. Um I I would say figuring out whether you're an introvert or extrovert and how much of an introvert or extrovert you are can be very helpful, not just in your relationships, but in any kind of ministry that you want to do, any kind of work that you want to do. And one of the things, I I know we'll kind of get into a lot of this as we go, but for a long period of time, I was working in a very extroverted atmosphere in ministry. And the result of that, I didn't realize it, but the result of that was I was feeling like there was something wrong with me because we were asked to do certain, you know, evangelism type things. And it just, you know, I I like I did not want to show up. And I was part of the leadership, you know, and I I mean, I remember calling, calling you and saying, like, you know, what's wrong with me? You know, and then I'm like asking myself, do I not care if people go to hell? I mean, like, why wouldn't I want to do this? You know, but you know, at like figuring out, okay, and that's not to be a blanket excuse. You know, wherever we are on that scale, we have to grow because there's strengths and weaknesses to whatever point on the scale you are. I think the key is figuring out what where you are on that, and then getting involved in things that allow you to operate in that strength, but also realizing that you're gonna have to grow no matter what. You're gonna have to do things that are uncomfortable, but you just have to do it. And it's easier to do that if you're in a position where you can basically exist and thrive that that's suitable to your personality, your gifting, and those kinds of things. And I think along with those lines of what you're talking about, just understanding. I I know with myself, when I understand why I do what I do, it it just the more I understand myself and my behavior, my personality, why I respond certain things. And and it was like this in my marriage. I I was married to a complete extrovert, and we'll get into what that means in a little while. But he he was extrovert from head to toe. And sometimes I I thought, oh my goodness, like I thought I was an extrovert. But the more I got to understand him and how he ticked and how his personality was played out and what he was comfortable in, what s situations he was and wasn't comfortable in, it just helped me to just to flourish more. And it helped our marriage. It helped so many things. And I think as a body of Christ, rather than just thinking people are lacking if they're not doing particular things, the more we understand not just ourselves, but those that we're working in ministry with, I think it'll really help us in ministry more. Absolutely. Absolutely good point. Okay, so uh do you want to start with just some basic definition on introvert, extrovert? Because I think there's a lot of misconception about that.

Defining Introverts and Extroverts

Speaker 4:19

Okay. Well, I think one of the big thing one of the big differences, people think of extroverts as someone that's just very outgoing. Okay, and that's not necessarily the case. I think you now I happen to be an outgoing extrovert. You know, I I'm not I'm not shy about j just about anything. I I'm very extroverted about stuff. Um, but I think some people are extroverts. The definition of an of an extrovert is a person who gets charged by being with others. When you're drained, and that's how Danny was, he was an a real extrovert. So he would be all day in church serving, preaching. He might have preached three or four times. I mean, he was giving out from the time and he would be exhausted going home. And somebody would call and say, Do you want to come over for dinner? You want to go out to eat or something? And I, even the extrovert with me, I just wanted to go home and veg. And he'd say, sure. And I'd, are you kidding me? You know, so we would go and I would see him recharging. He literally recharged by being with others. And that's because he was an extrovert. Being with others is like plugging him in. Now I am also an extrovert, not to that extent, but I am to the point where I find one of the things that I'm dealing with now, and since Danny is gone, I spend a lot more time alone. And I find myself, if I spend too many days by myself, I get depressed. I I don't do well all by myself. I need to be just with people. I need to interact with people. That's the extroverted side of me. And I'm also outgoing, so I'm very, I'm talkative, I'm social, I'm, you know, I'm not shy about things. Where why don't you describe from an introvert perspective what an introvert is like? Well, I think that's a great way to think about it is charging your battery. Because when I need my battery charged, I know I've got to okay, and this is no joke. I I can sit like even in a dark room, put on some classical music, you know, and and just like think, literally think, you know. That would not be me. I I would be so depressed. It's you know, it's not always, you know, to that extreme level. But I I can, and and I have to, you know, we all have to, but I can do those social things and have a lot of fun. But for me, I know it's kind of like I've got a battery pack on. And so when I walk in that room, my battery is like, it's gonna wait, how do I, yeah, my battery is gonna slowly go down, you know, during the event, and then it's gonna get to a point where I'm kind of tapped out, and then I gotta go, you know, recharge. But it like for solitude, quiet, you know, those kinds of things, that just like regenerates me. It's like my creativity fires, I'm just energized. And so I think that that's a really great way to think about it. How how does my battery get charged? And it it doesn't have anything to do with insecurity, shyness, you know, those are like different issues. But I think like just a great basic definition is how you need to charge your battery, what what energizes you. Yeah, I think for someone like you, being around others drains you. It drains you. And now for me, I am probably, you know, 80, 90 percent extrovert, but I have that 10% that every now and then I need to just spend not a long time, but a little time by myself. Just a little bit of charging. But again, if it's too much, then it it works in against me. I need to I need to be in in groups of people. Yeah. This let's see. Susan Kane wrote this book. It's called Quiet, I think like the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking. But in there, she's got some great examples. And actually, I mean, she's an introvert, so reading it as an introvert is hilarious because it's just the way that she frames extroverts. It's like just hilarious. But in there, one of the things that she says, she's talking about social situations and basically like extroverts get louder and louder as the event goes on, and introverts tend to get quieter and quieter, you know, because their battery is charging, so they're like more talkative and more energetic. And then all the introverts, like they're fine to begin with, but then you can really tell that the battery's kind of like running down. So I I mean, yeah, I think that's really just an excellent way to think about it. Just curious, do you think that people are born this way, or do you think that it gradually changes? Because I know with myself, I've always been like this. I I've never I've never been shy. I never, you know, I was thinking about I was thinking about something I did when I was a girl. And now that I look back and I I I can't believe two things I did, I I can't believe I did both of them. One was when I was, I must have been four or five years old. And the street that I was living on. Now back then, this was this would be in the 50s. So back in the 50s, you know, you knew your street. You could walk around your neighborhood and stuff. There was not that fear of stuff like that. And I went door to door and I invited everybody to come to our house on Saturday morning. I don't know why I did it. I don't even know what I was thinking, and that it was out of my sight. I went and invited everybody and went home. And well, that was earlier in the week while Saturday morning rolls around. People are showing up at my house with what they're lawn chairs outside. And my mother, she used Barbara Joan. She used my middle name. I knew I was in trouble. She said, Barbara Joan, what did you do? And I said, I invited them. I didn't think they were gonna come. I said, I just I just invited them. So she said, Well, what are you gonna do now? I said, Mom, just make some coffee. Make some coffee. And I got, and you know what? I wasn't the least intimidated. They put their lawn chairs on. I got up and I entertained them. I don't remember what I did. I remember doing some like crazy singing and stuff like that. But I just loved it. So I wonder if we're born that way and we get change, or what do you think? Have you always felt that introverted personality at it? Yeah, yeah, definitely. I and I'll just they say that as you get older you become more introverted wherever you start out. I don't know if that's true or not, just something I heard. But yeah, I and and I'm just thinking like the difference between me and my sister when my mom would be going to the store or something, Robin would always want to go. I never wanted to go. I mean, just leave me home. And there's this great story I'll tell on Robin, but one time my mom was going, I don't even know where she was going. I was happy to stay home. This is one time that we didn't need to go wherever she was going, so we were left at home. But Robin was like running down the street after the car. I want to go, I want to go. And then all of a sudden she sees the brake lights and she knew she was my mom gets out of the car and she's like, I don't want to go anymore. I don't want to go. But yeah, I was always happy to just, you know, play in my room or play outside in the yard and just I had, you know, always had a great imagination. I made, you know, I mean, I ha I always had friends growing up, but usually just a handful of very close friends. Uh-huh. But yeah, I I think I've always I now I didn't understand that at the time, but I I knew I was happy to uh be by myself. Yeah. You know, one thing I'm thinking about with extroverted and introverts is I think it a lot of it has to do with how we handle groups of people. I think that's a big thing. And that's where I think kind of plays into how we handle church and how we handle, you know, church events

Navigating Group Dynamics in Church

Speaker 11:27

and and church ministries and stuff like that. How how how how do you think groups affected from your perspective? What do you think? Well, I would even groups definitely, but I would even broaden it to say stimulation. So even loud music, you know, lots of uh like I went to a church where they literally answered the phone exciting, and then the church name, you know. So everything was driven to excitement, you know. It like my gosh, by the time I left, I'm like, okay, no more excitement. Like, I don't need excitement for another week. I thought, you know. But I think, you know, and like I said, groups definitely play into that, you know, it's probably more broader, but it's I I and I think it has to do with the way we maybe even process, you know, because I don't know, I I don't want to like jump into that too much. But yeah, I and I think that's why how we approach church is especially important because I mean, virtually anything that we do as a church, this introvert-extrovert thing kind of is gonna play into it. It's gonna, you know, if you have a certain type of leader, then I think the church is gonna just naturally kind of be that kind of environment. I know I was talking to my son the other day. Now I had two sons, and so it was my husband and I and our two sons, and Danny and I are both extroverts, and one of our sons is also an extrovert. And so that plays into we we always had a house full of people. We just always had people in and we always had people living with us. Now they didn't always live on the upstairs with us. Sometimes they would live in the basement, stuff like that, but they lived in our in our home, and I mean a lot, a lot of people. And my son the other day was telling me, he said, Mom, that was the hardest thing because he's an introvert. And he said, That was the hardest thing for me. He said, We always had so many people, and you know, back then I didn't think about it. I I just I well, it was ministry, it was opportunity, and we loved it. And I didn't know that about him. I didn't recognize, and he never made it known to me at least that that that was hard for him. Yeah, and one of the things that comes out in this book, Quiet, is that I guess around the 1920s, our culture shifted from character focused to uh what does she call it? Personality driven, you know, and part of that personality, you know, I mean, you think about, you know, first of all, Hollywood, how we, you know, started getting these personalities that we were all looking at. But then also, you know, these small businesses started thriving. You had these door-to-door salesmen, and then you're, you know, having these kind of like self-improvement books. And so it used to be that the self-improvement books were all about internal things like character and stuff. Well, then there was this shift, and what happened, it created sort of what was called the extrovert ideal. And so kind of like the ideal person was to be outgoing, engaging, you know, a kind of uh like a presenting your best self kind of thing. And so that shifted to the culture, you know. So as an introvert, most, you know, we're living in a culture that does have extroversion as its ideal. So we are used to that, you know, but it does, and and a lot of it takes a lot of energy. One thing that the book says too, which I agree with is I'm uh a third to a half of the population in the US are introverts. And that may surprise you that there are that many, but it's she makes the point that we've had to pretend that we're otherwise, you know, because it if if you're you know, if you're living as your preferred introverted self, a lot, you know, you have to be aware of how people are reading that, you know. And so we want to be engaging and like you go to work, work environments are set up in cubicles, like we're saying here. I think we're gonna get into this conversation too. I didn't mean to shift away from it, but the a lot of church environment is set up, you know, around that extroverted ideal. And so uh, yeah, I mean, definitely and again, I didn't really I didn't realize that was what I was struggling with and why I was uncomfortable. And it really does end up kind of there's like a guilt that's attached to that. You know, like I said, like when, you know, we were doing a certain evangelism activity and nothing in me wanted to participate. I mean, it was like just painful to even think about doing it. And it's not that I don't care about evangelism, you know, because I almost everything that I do is in in a uh in an effort to help see the body of Christ grow, you know. So that is my motivation. I just don't do it in the people engagey way, you know, that that extroverts do it. Now, and I'll say this too. I I have, you know, I've had wonderful extroverts in my life, and I need them. I do. I I'm so thankful for them. And I think it's it is great because we bring different things, and those things we we need to also appreciate in in one another. You know, if if the world was all introverts or all extroverts, you know, things things would But I I think it is important to understand, and I think one of the things that you're talking about, I totally agree, and I found it through the 40-something years of ministry. I've come to appreciate introverts, and getting to know you has helped me a lot because, you know, and you verbalize your your, I don't want to say insecurities, but your tendencies, because I don't want to call them insecurities because that seems negative, but your tendencies as an introvert. And so that's helped me to understand extrovert introverts. And so, and one of the areas that I find that in is

Creating Comfortable Church Environments

Speaker 16:50

in my teaching people in prayer, right? One of the things that I work with people is how to pray corporately. And that's that's that's hard, it's hard for an extrovert and an introvert. But I think in a lot of ways, it's even harder for an introvert to pray aloud in groups of people than it is an extrovert. And so I've learned not to put that pressure on. And I know when I have prayer meetings and I've led a lot of prayer meetings, that's one of the things I enjoy doing, I always say, feel free to pray along or aloud. You know, you don't necessarily have to pray along and and that and that's not to say it's better one way or another. I think that understanding introverts, they can pray just as much in themselves, but they're not so ten, you know, extroverts, you know the extroverts in the group, they're gonna pray 600 times and they're the ones that are and that's fine. That's just how they are, and I'm that way. I love to pray aloud. I mean, I love to pray for I've prayed for groups of of 500 before in the front, and I love it, you know. And that's just because part of it is a calling, but part of it is my extroverted personality and my outgoingness. It's it's not hard. And so I think we need to understand as church people, as Christians, not to put down people who are not like that and who are not extrovert. And I know in the same, you know, that the they say they're two kinds, two flips of the same coin, right? Two sides of the same coin because extroverts can be obnoxious. I mean, we can be pushy, we can dominate dominate. I mean, I have a prayer Bible study, and I love my ladies, and some of us are extroverts and some of our introverts, and I have to constantly be encouraging the extroverts to speak less and encouraging the introverts to feel more comfortable to share out loud, you know, because they're just not as comfortable. And I think we need to not judge. And I think if an introvert can feel comfortable in the environment they're in and not judge, they're going to, I found, going to be more comfortable maybe to share. And if they don't share aloud, I'm okay with that. I've just come to the place. Another thing I think churches need to do is the whole welcome greeting thing. And from from an introvert personality, why don't you share your challenge with that? Painful. Just painful. I and it's not that I don't enjoy connecting with people because I do. I am a connector. Right. But the thing an intro to to an from an introvert's perspective, when someone says, okay, turn around and shake hands with so-and-so, it feels a little forced. Forced. Yeah, forced. Good word. And see, I I I want the I'm I'm not opposed to greeting people, but I've I prefer those things to happen organically, just naturally, out of a conversation or a situation, you know, rather than okay, everyone now be friend. Like it's like be friendly on command or something, you know. And and I understand like, you know, you may have, you know, there may be someone there that hasn't spoken to anyone all week, and during that greeting time, they may actually get encouraged in a way that they need, you know. I I I don't want to, you know, my my I I I don't know what the answer is to that. I really don't. I I just know that it is uncomfortable, and especially if it goes on for minutes and minutes and minutes and minutes, it just feels like, okay, would would the band start playing now? You know, like Yeah, right. Well, I think you you say you don't know what the I think the answer is number one, I think what you said is on the mark. Keep it short. If you want to do it, like like I know I I I follow some churches even online and I'll watch them and they'll say, greet your neighbor, but it goes on for maybe 30 seconds at the most a minute. It's not and I think a second thing is not to judge someone that doesn't do it. If someone's just not doing it, sitting in their seat. You know, we we tend to think of people that are going around as more spiritual, you know, those are sitting in their seat, they're kind of maybe a little stuck up, a little snub, a little insecure, you know. That's not necessarily the case. That's just how they're comfortable. Extroverts are uh are are often, not always, but often more comfortable walking around saying hi to people. That's kind of in their frame of of being comfortable. And I think not judging and and just doing it quickly and kind of hitting, you know, we stopped doing it. Danny, he stopped doing that when we came to understand how many people really dreaded that. We know some people that wouldn't come in the very beginning of the church service because that was there. And I know friends now who when it's that part, they'll go to the bathroom and then they'll come back. And you know, you feel bad about that. And there's this very spiritual, adjusted, yeah, not insecure people. I mean, these are just people that they just that part of the service really is hard for them. Yeah, and for new people, yeah, it it's it's even more awkward. I don't know, I can't say whether introvert or extrovert, but when you're walking into a a new building and there's all these people and this, you know, kind of a whole uh world that you're stepping into that you don't know anything about, that meet and greet thing is just kind of uh to me, it it's awkward, especially when you don't know anybody. So I think it just puts pressure. You know, I used to be in charge of the Greeters and Ushers ministry my in New York, and one of the things they said that newcomers want to feel welcomed but not st stood out. They don't they don't want the uh the the focus on them, but yet they want to feel welcomed. And so, well, how do you welcome them? And I mean Some churches we went uh Dr. Tony Evans, we went to his church and he did that, but it it was very comfortable. I have to say, that was really very comfortable. And they they had greeters welcoming you from the parking lot. And I mean, you really felt gre felt welcomed in that church. And I remember we visited that a couple of times and it was really it was it was one way that did it. Now I remember another time going to another church, and I won't mention the state, but we from the time we left our car until we got back in it, not one person spoke to us. Not a greeter, not I guess if we ever went back to that church, you know. So you want to feel welcomed. I mean, it's just that you don't want to feel stood out like you, you know, like a sp put on a pet not a pedestal, but noticed

Encouraging Introverts in Church Settings

Speaker 22:41

too much. What do you think that we can do? Okay, say a person is listening that is an introvert and struggles with these things and maybe even hasn't been involved in church and has been pulling back from things because of these fears and these concerns. Maybe they're not at the level of fear, but they're a little concerned. What what do you think that that they can do and what can the church do? Let's talk about that to make that person more comfortable. I think a key if you're an introvert is to find an environment that you can naturally thrive in. Because if you have to keep going against the grain, it's going to be difficult. And you don't want to have to struggle like when Sunday rolls around, you don't want to have to have a struggle every Sunday of I don't want to go to church. You know, so you either need to find a church that will allow you to be in environments where you can contribute in, you know, where you can use the the gifts that God has given you, or within your church, figure out a way that you and and there are opportunities in every church for introverts because I think the the people with the I don't know if it's gift of helps, servant-hearted, however you want to say it, they're the backbone of the church. I mean, there there are people who serve in obscurity behind the scenes, and you know, the the church couldn't make it without those people. So there are opportunities. So I would say, you know, find out what opportunities there may be for you to, you know, but don't sit on the sidelines. You know, you've got to figure out a way to be used in the body of Christ and recognize that you are the way you are so that you can produce the work that God intended you to produce. Now, a lot of my work is creative. It's it's writing, but you know, creative things like that. And so the fact that God made me in this way that I am content to be alone, get the writing done, and even to sit and think and process things and evaluate and say, okay, now what does this mean for the body of Christ? What does this mean for this group that I'm engaged with? And to be able to contribute something. So I think you do you have to get past the point, if you're in a situation that is making you feel awkward, uncomfortable, or even guilty because you're not measuring up. Like, you know, when I shared that example of, you know, not participating in the street evangelism, you know, where you're walking up to people on the sidewalk, you know, everything in me is screaming, stranger danger, stranger danger, you know. We don't know who these people are. They're gonna follow us back to the church. You know, no. That's the idea. Yeah. Yeah. That's what we're aiming at. Yeah. But you, you know, just to find a place and an environment where where you can thrive, a ministry that you can contribute to. And I feel like it's kind of both sides. I think on both the extrovert and the introvert, the outgoing and the more not so outgoing person, I think you you don't want to use it as an excuse to stay away. You know, I I think that a lot of times we we do. We use it like I know with extroverts, you can say you don't want to go, they're not, they're not outgoing enough, they're not friendly enough, there's not enough to do, you know, you can whatever. I mean, you can always think of something. And I think we want to be careful of that, but on the same line, we want to understand that the way you are is not a flaw. It's just the way you are. God has made you that way. And and like you said, I mean, 139, right? I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. You knit me together in my mother's womb. I mean, God has made us, and you know what? God has made us the way we are for a particular purpose. You have abilities and and opportunities because of who you are that I don't I might not have, and vice versa. And I think to see the way God made us as not a flaw, but that's the way God made us for a purpose, and we have opportunities and and so to see both of it, not to see it, and don't get down on yourself if if you have a hard time with that. Recognize it. You know, don't don't deny it, don't and don't use it as an excuse not to get involved. Recognize it, bring it before the Lord, and I think asking the Lord, you know, you and I've done this is funny because you know, I I I shared that one of the things that I I battle now that Danny's gone is that I'm alone a lot and I don't do well alone. I just don't like it. I like being in I I if I had an opportunity to be with everybody every day, I would I would love that, you know. And and I don't have that at this time. And so I'll come before the Lord and I'll say, Father, you know how I am. You've made me like this. I prayed it this morning. You've made me like this. You know how I am, you know how I'm wired. And I pray that you either you either give me the contentment to to deal with the situation I'm in now and to see it in a positive way as an opportunity, or you open doors for me to be more involved and more, you know, others in others' lives and others in my life. And that that's my continual prayer. So I've recognized how I am. And, you know, for me, my personality fits so well in our in our ministry. I mean, Danny and I were off, we were constantly going new places. We'd go to Ukraine and we were constantly thrown into situations that we didn't know anything about. We met new people and I loved it. I mean, I loved it. You know, it was wonderful. And and I miss that. You know, I miss going to new places and doing new things, but this is the season that God has me in now. And I feel sometimes like a fish out of water, but God has a purpose for it. And so I have to just accept that this is a season, God has a

Navigating Challenges as Introverts in Social Settings

Speaker 28:10

purpose for it. It it it's not a flaw, it's it's for a purpose and gotta work. You talked about missions, and that made me think about our missions trip. Yeah. I mean, and I think this is a good point because as an introvert, going on a missions trip can present certain challenges. But uh what was it, 2015? Yes, you and you and Danny took some of your church members to Latvia, and I just knew I was supposed to go. And I was shocked. Yeah. But I remember uh let's see, I don't know, we got there maybe on a Sunday or something. Okay, so by Wednesday, I I had been with people around the clock. And it was I was in, you know, new environment and every, you know, a a lot of group activity and well you have to tell them about the show I'm telling them. I'm telling them so we we what one of the things that we would do, we went to the uh local college and we would invite people to come to just to kind of hang out at night, and we were gonna like just kind of speak English and do conversational English, but then we would also, you know, share the gospel and share about Christ and things. But we would, you know, just get together and have fun with college students. So this this one event, and I I I don't even I I have purged the the rules of this game because it's like what? But at one point we were playing this game, we were blindfolded, and we're in a room, and you have to walk around and find someone. I don't even know what the goal was. For me, the goal, well, okay. So here I am, like in another country, in a room full of strangers, and like people are walking around, touching you, blindfolded. There was something we're supposed to say, I don't even remember. But at one point I found you, and I just remember clinging to you and leaning into your ear and saying, Barb, make it stop. That's what you did. It was hilarious. Like, get me out of here. So then the next game after that, it was this game where everybody took off their shoes and threw it in the middle of the floor, and then I don't even know. And somebody walked up to me and said, Aren't you gonna play the shoe game? And I'm like, No, uh, you worry about what you're doing. Let me worry about what I'm doing. And I turned to you and I said, I need to walk back to the hotel. I need a little time alone. And I did. I I went back to the hotel. I remember like I took a nap. I just sat in the room by myself, and then I walked down to the grocery store by myself. I walked around, you know, and it was just like I I needed a few hours of just uh, you know, to recharge the batteries. But then I think I was pretty good for the rest of the week. But I I did crash on Wednesday, but I I will never forget like get me out of here, like what is going on, you know. Well, the whole shoe game was you were supposed to put everybody's shoes on. Yeah. For some reason. And I'm thinking, I'm not gonna put other people's, I don't know these people. Yeah. And they don't know, I don't want people wearing my show. So I didn't participate in that game either. I just want you to Yeah, it's just wrong. But yeah, but you the fact of the matter is you obeyed the Lord and you went, and and it was hard for you. And I think it was you never were got to the place where you said, Oh, I overcame it and I was comfortable. No, you were uncomfortable from the time you went, but God worked that that time in your life, and and I think you you you can uh a attest to the fact that God really used that in your life. Well, he did, and I and I'm so yeah, I'm so glad that I went. And matter of fact, when I came back, I wrote this little short little thing, 10 things I learned. And the first thing was I was uncomfortable for 10 days and I was okay, you know? So I lived through it, you know. That's right. Oh okay. I found this list. Uh and and I just this was just from the the quiet book again, but it just talks about some differences between introvert and extrovert. So tell me, you know, if if you agree with these things. Introverts focus on meaning more, and extroverts focus on experience more. Oh, yeah, 100% for me. Okay. Um, introverts and extroverts differ in the level of outside stimulation they need in order to function well. Introverts are better focusing on one task at a time, and extroverts can handle multiple things. Multiple that's going on. That's completely me. I can do and one of the things too, to just interject before you move on, I was thinking, and all these different things, you know, when we consider our personalities and how our personalities fit into the ministry that we're in and what kind of church to go to, and fitting into our group, our our our community of believers and stuff, all these things play a part. And I think one of the other things that plays a part with me is that I'm an extrovert, I'm social, I'm a feeler, but I'm also not a perfectionist. And so I don't care, honestly, I don't care if I make mistakes. I mean, not that I don't try. I mean, you know it when I do something, I put a lot of effort into it and I spend a lot of time on it, but my standard is not perfection. And so that even makes me more able to just do do those kind of things. And I think that kind of goes under what you were just talking about. So those things play a part in it too. And I can do a million things at one time and be very happy about it. Here's another one, too. Extroverts think out loud and on their feet. Oh, yeah. It's and it's a little bit harder. Like I'm the total opposite. You and I have actually been in a conversation where we were you you s said this thing that kind of jarred me, and I couldn't even respond. And you're like, Are you there? I'm like, I'm processing. Like, literally, I I could not, I didn't even know what to say, you know? Whereas you have taught like you really do think out loud. Yes, you know, and I process by by speaking out loud. And that's one of the things because my son, he's a he's an introvert, you know. And one of the things that drives him crazy is I'll be process and and he's a total introvert. So he thinks it before he says it. And so I'll be saying all these things that I'm thinking of doing, and he's like, What? Mom, you can't think about this. You can't, and I'm like, I'm not planning on it. I'm just and so I've learned that, and I have to keep saying to him, I'm not planning on this, I'm just talking about it out loud. I'm not, don't think I'm planning on it, you know. And and uh that's how I process things by talking it through. And I might have a conversation with you or somebody else, and at the end of the conversation, I've completely changed my mind because I've talked it out. I've I've talked it through. And also another thing I think is funny that you would never know that I live alone in this house because there's always conversation going on. I talk out loud and I'm and I'm proud of it. I'm not embarrassed about it. I have full conversations with myself, and you know what? I get along really well with myself. There's nobody disagrees with me. We get along really well, but yeah, definitely out loud talking is one of the differences, I think. Yeah. Because as an introvert, by the time I say something out loud, I've been thinking about it a good long, hard time. And I've eliminated a lot of the things that I might have said because I thought it through. And it's like, no, that's not a good idea. You know, like I've considered the upside, the downside. And it it is different because talking to you, you're, you know, you'll throw this idea out and immediately I'm thinking, well, you can't do that because you know, such and such. And it might have just come in my mind 30 seconds ago. Yeah. Right. And you would get to the same conclusion. You're just getting there out loud, you know? Whereas really an introvert when by the time they say something, most of the time they've been thinking about it for weeks, months, possibly years, you know. And then it's like, okay, this is now to the point where I can I could speak about this, you know. But yeah, that's a big difference. Okay, this one was funny, and I made my own little commentary. Introverts stop to consider stimuli rather than rushing to engage with them. So then I put LOL, introverts are the scientists studying the thing, and extroverts are the lab rats. What happens if I Okay, so describe that a little bit. It's not sinking in my cuts. So, like introverts, if if I see something, I'm gonna stop and examine it. I'm not gonna touch it, I'm not gonna bring it into my life, I'm gonna kind of like stand on the periphery and examine it. Whereas an extrovert is gonna pick it up, smell it, taste it, you know, you know, you know, and kind of just like experience it and engage with it, whereas an introvert is going to just kind of examine it and consider it first. Extroverts learn about things by actually engaging with them, and introverts learn about them by thinking and considering them. Yeah, that's interesting. That is true. Sometimes I'll share things with you, like things that I want to do, and you're giving me all the potential dangers of what could happen. And I'm thinking, what? What like you you can rattle off five dangers and never even cross out, you know? It's just really different. Yeah. In church, to bring this back because our focus is on the body of Christ. I mean, we we don't just want to share us and who we are and and everything. We want to encourage people to be involved in the body of Christ. And I want to encourage you, no matter what your personality is, don't let your personality prevent you from being actively involved in ministry.

Finding Your Place in the Body of Christ

Speaker 37:01

Whatever you are, however you you're wired, however God has formed you, it's for a purpose. God has a purpose for you and He He wants to use you. And you can you can be used without whatever you whatever way you are in a powerful way by the Lord. Mm-hmm. I wanted to get back to something too that you were talking about. Because as I've been thinking about this, the differences between introvert and extrovert, one of the things that came up was even how extroverts express themselves more by talking. I considered what that means to my prayer life. Even in prayer, I'm not always wordy, you know, and there are times that I just don't express as much, but I've n and I think in the last podcast where I mentioned if you don't know how to pray, get your Bible out and have an audience with God in that way. And a lot of times, a lot of my prayer is not even me expressing, and I don't want to conflate this with contemplative prayer or emptying my mind and just the first thing I hear must be God. It's not what I'm saying. But I'm saying a lot of my prayer time is reading a scripture and then just kind of absorbing that and then expressing that same truth back to God, maybe in gratitude or even asking, you know, what what are you saying here? This could just be a like a season of my life, but it's been my words have been fewer, I guess, in my prayer time of late. I'm not sure how to how to feel about that, you know. But I I think like in the past few days, I for the first time considered, well, is this just part of being an introvert that even with the Lord, and thankfully he knows my heart whether I express it or not, but I'm I'm not always, I guess, motivated to express in conversation. Uh so so I don't know. Um, but that was just uh something I wanted to kind of throw out and get your thoughts on that. Yeah, well, I I I mean, I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. I mean, I don't think it's a bad I know with me, I'm I'm completely opposite. I mean, when I have my time with the Lord, I'm telling him every single thing. I mean, I've got a captive audience. Where's he gonna go, right? I mean, I I've got I've got this, I've got a listening ear no matter what. And and I can say I I when I I just tell him everything. I mean, I just I just tell him everything. So I think some of it could definitely have to do with with just how we're wired, you know. And I think the thing is, again, we want to be sensitive to it because as an i extrovert, I have to sometimes stop it and and and and be still and know that he's God. And and I know sometimes I I could talk all day. And and one of the things I've shared with you is that I could pray all day, but I have to stop sometimes and say, okay, I need to study the word. I need to and I read the scripture during my time with the Lord. The Bible is on my lap, and a lot of times I'll read, but as far as deep study, that's not as much a part of my time. So I have to make that happen. And and also sometimes just coming before the Lord and just not saying anything that doesn't come natural to me. I have to literally say, Okay, Barb, just be be quiet before the Lord, you know, because it doesn't come natural. And I think in the same way, someone like you that has an introvert, you still need to maybe work a little bit more in expressing those thoughts and feelings and you know, out to the Lord. So I think to consider, consider how we are and and don't let that prevent us, but understand in some ways that's who we are, but don't let that stop us from

Embracing Differences in Personality

Speaker 40:36

it's not just a black and white thing, it's so many different things. And your culture plays into it. That's another thing. I mean, the American culture is very geared toward extroverted outgoingness. If you go to some Asian countries and you act like you do as an American, they just think, oh man, what is wrong with these people? Can't they're so rude, you know? And in America, it's like, you know, you're considered very socially adept if you're outgoing and friendly and talk to everybody. I know when I first moved to New York City, I had to be very careful we were first married because I had a lot of weird people that were saying things and following me and doing all sorts of things. And Danny had to tell me, Barb, you're too friendly. You can't be that friendly. You're not you're not living in in the confines of the of the you know, I lived in the suburbs. Yeah, you were in the in the inner city, and he said, You have to be very careful because it's a culturally different situation. And and so culture plays a part of it. What cultural background do we have? That stuff all plays a part of it. It's not so black and white. But I think to understand, and I think as church people and Christians to be understanding, not to judge, get a little understanding that maybe this is how you know, maybe this plays a part of it. And let them be who they are, you know. Give them the give them that safe place, safe place to fall, right? You want you want your your your your environment at church and your environment with your ministry and your in your community of Christians to be a safe place where everybody can feel safe and they can just be themselves. They're not held to a a standard that they have to be a certain way that's better Christian. It's just that's who I am. And I think that that will will be better in the body of Christ when we are like that. That reminds me of a I think it's a John Maxwell quote, but basically he said that you need to stretch people within their gifting and not outside of it. And I think that applies here. I mean, people as an introvert, I need to be stretched. You know, I I can't just, you know, stay in my cave all the time all the time, but I need to be stretched in a way that's gonna be within the type of environment that I thrive in. Same with you, you know, and I think we and again, just encouraging people to find an environment that is going to be suitable for them to thrive in, and then also appreciating that in the other person. And like you're saying, maybe not prejudging a situation, but understanding, you know, this person, you know, they're have these certain qualities, preferences, whatever. But God has a place for them to get plugged in where those things are going to be a strength and a help for them that are gonna work for them and not against them. And I think that's the key is just prayerfully and with your feet and your hands, figuring out where that place is and what that work is, and then, you know, just being more understanding with one another and appreciating the differences. Yeah, and I think that's exactly it. Appreciating, not just accepting, but what you you know, your closing thing to appreciate and to see the value how other people are different. I mean, we're so different. When I, you know, even I was one of the things I was thinking is I was looking at the color shirt you're wearing. You're wearing gray, okay? I do not own a gray, a gray piece of clothing in my closet. I I I I don't own it. When you look in my closet, it's all these bright, bright, bright. I can't tell you how many times I'll be watching TV and I'll see someone maybe in the news, you know, wearing a certain color and I think. I want I want to wear that color. I I you know, the my personality is like, I I want to do that. You know, it's just very outgoing. Well, and you make a good point. It it impacts so many things that we wouldn't think about because as you're talking about the clothes that you wear, where I work, we have different like each year we'll have a different shirt color for for camp. And so, you know, a lot of those have been dark colors. Last year it was very bright colors. And there have been mornings that I have gotten up and I've gone, opened my closet, and I've looked at that bright shirt and I've been like, I'm not feeling that today. I do I do not have the energy for that color today. But it's I mean, it's it's yeah, yeah, it's true. It's really funny. But yeah. And and you know, I love one of my favorite things is loving but learning about personality. Like I love to learn about different people's personality. I love when people take personality tests when I'm in groups and we give these personality tests, we evaluate each other how we are, you know, and all these different things. And because I feel like the more I understand other people, the more I the more I accept them. And it gives me more grace with them. And it not just grace, but appreciation for them. And and that's oh, that's how they are, you know, that's how they are and stuff. So I think that if we make it a point to try to understand each other a little bit better, it's gonna help us in our relationships with each other, and especially in marriages. It's it's an absolute help in a in a marriage. When I do marriage counseling, I always talk about personality differences and how they're different and how that's gonna affect their relationship and stuff. It's it's important. Made me think about a work situation. One of my, it was someone that I knew from high school anyway. She got hired in a position as my supervisor. And, you know, we were friends, but in this work situation, we kept kind of like butting heads because I was doing the creative work, like graphic design. So I would be designing, I I think it was like a 12-page magazine. I was doing all the layouts and, you know, editing the articles and everything. And then I would bring it to her, and like her personality was that she loved possibilities and open-ended things. And so she she loved to just kind of like brainstorm. So I would have, you know, I'm I'm staring down the gauntlet of a deadline, and I I've got like eight blank pages to fill. I've got, you know, four that are perfect, pristine, and all I need her to do is nod her head and say, Yes, Heather, that's great, you know. But then she starts spit, like she wants to sit there and spitball ideas, like, you know, from the drawing board. And so she took this personality test. I I already knew what my personality type was. So I had her take the test and then come to find out that was ingrained in her personality to like, you know, kind of like thrive on the possibilities of things. But what it taught me and both of us was that I needed to bring her in much earlier. Oh yeah, before that. I would get the assignment and I would just like put my head down and go get it done. But she needed to kind of, you know, she thrived in throwing out ideas and which it, I mean, it did help me because she had a completely different perspective. Plus, she was really in tune with the the the pastor's, I'll say, vision and the way that he wanted things done. So she could kind of interpret that to me, but I just learned to bring her in earlier and have that brainstorming thing. And then it's like, then I could go, you know, like do my thing and and and then bring it back and get the head nod, yes, go, let's do it. But yeah, so personality definitely, especially in, you know, of course, as you said, marriage, but you know, any relationship where you are have to do something together, you know, that success is, you know, gonna be measured by how well you can work together. Yeah, it it really brings a lot into it. The more you understand, I think the better it is. Understanding ourselves, but each other too. Right. And you can bring the best out of one another then when you learn how that person works and how you work. Yeah. Yeah. Good stuff. Well, yeah, this has been fun. Introvert, extrovert personality things. And I I hope I hope as people are listening that they're thinking about what their personality and how how they can grow in that area. Because we all need to grow in our areas. I mean, I need to grow as an extrovert, and you know, we all need to grow in the areas that we're that God has given us. Yeah, and it really could be if you're struggling in f you know, not feeling like you're part of a group or you're having trouble kind of getting plugged in. You know, it may be that, you know, this introvert living in an extroverted environment could be part of it. So, you know, I just want to encourage you to find somewhere that you can plug in. I mean, there there is a like I said, every church has a place for the quieter people who will just roll up their sleeves and either do creative work or just hands-on serving. There's something, you know, and and you know, the the church needs you, you're a valuable part of it. And when you do that, you find yourself not gritting your teeth by the whole extroverted experience that's screaming at you, but you can learn to then enjoy them and cheer them on. And, you know, it it's just much, much healthier in the body of Christ when we can do that. Absolutely. And I think not getting frustrated with yourself, because I know a lot of I've talked to a lot of people, mostly introverts that struggle, I think, more with this. Because I honestly, I don't think more extroverts notice their flaws as much. You know, that they don't r recognize like extroverts that talk too much. I find that most of them don't recognize that they talk too much. I think not to see it, not to get frustrated, but also not to use it as an excuse. So you you know, you you recognize it, you deal with it, but you pursue like you're talking about, you step on, you don't let it stop you from getting involved because on both sides it it can be used as negative. Yeah. Well, and for a lot of this too, a lot of especially evangelical church environment is geared toward an extroverted environment. So it's kind of like a fish in water, you know, and when you're an introvert, you're a fish out of water. No, the prayer that I pray a lot of times when I start a Bible study or I'll start something, I always ask the Lord literally probably 75% of the time, help me to be sensitive to you and help me to be sensitive to one another, you know, because we want to be sensitive to each other's needs, and you mostly want to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, right? So it's it's a both thing, and and I think that we'll we'll function better as a body of Christ. Amen. Well, great. Well, should I close for us in prayer? The extrovert here. You have the words for it. Okay, let's

Closing Prayer

Speaker 50:37

let's pray. Father God, we just thank you so much, Lord. And even as I'm thinking about these different things and thinking, God, that you have formed each each of us, God. None of us, it's not a mistake, Lord. There's nothing about us that's a mistake. There might be some areas in our lives that we need to to surrender to you and to allow you to work in and and and and overcome maybe some things. But Father, you have made us the way we are for a purpose. And God, I just thank you that you work in ways that we can't understand, that you have plans for us, Lord, and your plans are to prosper and to bless us, and your plans are to use us, God, to make a difference in others' lives. I pray for those people, Father, that maybe are struggling with not being able to be involved as they'd like to be, or not finding a place where they felt comfortable, or, you know, just feeling like an outsider, maybe, or feeling judged maybe, or or or criticized, or afraid they'll be criticized, maybe. God, I pray that you would work in ways that you alone can. I pray that you would give those of us that are extroverts maybe just sensitivity sometimes to pull back and to be sensitive in a quiet way. And those of us that are more introverted, God, give us the wisdom and the grace to maybe step out of our comfort zone sometimes. Lord, we just thank you for who we are. We thank you, Father, that you know us, God, that you love us, that you accept us, that you have made us, that you formed us, God, and that you want to use us. And we just thank you, Father. We pray that you continue to guide and lead us. We thank you, Father, that you are going to receive all the glory because that's our intention. We just honor you and worship you today. It's in Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Amen.